Life in darkness I wish I was not born, Depression is real with terminal illness, Am tired of suffering, why me why not another person but me, "Help me God" this are my daily words, but God doesn't care, then who cares, which God will I worship and answer my prayers immediately, now I have discovered that I was not create by God, I was just born by my mother, but why was I born, I think I was born by mistake, this wasn't my parents plan for me to be born nor God's plans, if it was God's plans would I be suffering, now it's six years of suffering, When you see me smiling or laughing alone, Just now that am not only affected spiritually but also mentally My illness brings depression My Depression created loneliness, Loneliness blocked my mind, Then I became an idle, When you see me making fun with you on any social platforms, Just know am trying to forget what happens in my life, I mean faking, yes I make fun to fake my life, People says "life is short and sweet" Others says "life is long and bitter" But to me life is just a word, Not only a word but a meaningless word, No one came along me and gave me the meaning of life, People says that, your parents are the best mentors, Yes they are, in fact they're closed mentors, I have mum, my only parent, She is the woman that I treasure, And am proud of her I have no time with her She is a busy mum, Not just busy, but busy struggle, Struggling to get money, I wish I could talk to her, No time, no talking Am also afraid to talk to her, Just fearing, fear of unknown, Why should I disturb her, and I can see the way she is stressed with this life, Am jobless yes jobless My terminal illness makes me jobless, My illness is stronger than my body, My illness makes me weak, Yes the weak me, If you see me, you can't imagine how weak I am, Am just a walking dead, My illness has no cure My illness is "Chembe Cha Moyo", I have been mentoring myself, Yes, just inspiring myself and motivating myself, But finally I get tired of inspiring myself not only myself, but also others, Now am thinking of committing suicide, But am afraid to die young, I don't feel like living again Am bored with this life, Am no more, I think if I die I will rest in peace, There will be no more pain, Bible tells us after death there is life, I better enjoy the life after death, This was not a poem This was not a story This was my life This was my thoughts This is whome I am You will miss me I will miss you too No one should judge me Only God will judge me Bye